Have I Loved You too Late?

“Too late have I loved You, O Beauty so ancient and so new, too late have I loved You! Behold You were within me, while I was outside: it was there that I sought You, a deformed creature, rushed headlong upon these things of beauty which You have made. You were with me, but I was not with You. They kept me far from you, those fair things which, if they were not in You, would not exist at all. You called and shouted and burst through my deafness. You flashed and shone and scattered my blindness. You breathed Your fragrance on me, and I drew in a breath and pant for You. I tasted, and hunger and thirst. You touched me, and I burned for Your peace.” – Saint Augustine; Confessions book 10, chapter 38

In this excerpt, Augustine is lamenting the years he wasted chasing after sin and the desires of the flesh. As he says, they wouldn’t even be here if God had not made them! Yet Augustine continues crying out, declaring that he has loved God too late.

Shouldn’t this be my heart’s cry as well?

For myself, it is true. I am a deformed creature, a fallen human who chases after the things of this world and so often forgets the One who made them for my pleasure. Have I loved you too late, Yahweh? 

Look again at what Augustine says. Jehovah comes in and BREAKS THROUGH. He comes in and TEARS DOWN MY DEFENSES. He turns me from the evil I have done and He washes over me. He breathes on me and I desire more of Him.

You have touched me, Adonai, and I burn for Your peace.